That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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