It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
