Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
