Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
