Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
