This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
