Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
