im about as happy as oj after his trial
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
