just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
