I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
