I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
do herpes really smell.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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