come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
