I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
