I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
