just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
