Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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