The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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