I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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