Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
