The maid of honor just puked.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
