he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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