I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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