i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
