I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
