I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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