Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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