we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
