Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
