so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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