She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
