did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
