Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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