You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need to sanitize my soul.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
A+ Viking dick
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
