Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
