i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
