Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
