Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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