I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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