you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
