Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
