I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
