It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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