You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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