And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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