All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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