I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
be right there i have to get my cape
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
