real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
420 ftw
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
