He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
