every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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