I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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