bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
