the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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