my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
