Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
