Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
