So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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