i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
