Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
