one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
