But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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