the condom got lost in my hair
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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