she smelled like a LAN party
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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