also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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