All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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