It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
