I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize