u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I need help removing her.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
