Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
