Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
