It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
