I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
