So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
