and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
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Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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