somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
